


Declaration

by Yobotica



Series: It's not the destination, it's the journey [5]
Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types
Genre: Guys this is super angsty, Like, M/M, seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 16:29:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17026158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yobotica/pseuds/Yobotica
Summary: Prompt for the Assassin's Creed Fandom Events 2018 day 2: Legacy.The fifth part of a series dedicated to Desmond Miles.Desmond left messages for his father on his own phone. But he left one on Shaun's phone, just for Shaun.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Due to how the prompts are structured, this is being uploaded today, for the 2nd prompt. 
> 
> Hopefully I'll figure out how to slot things in the right order by the time the next one comes out. 
> 
> Also beta'd by the amazing [Caisar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caisar), without whom these would not nearly be as nice to read. :3

Shaun hated getting a new phone. It wasn't that he hated change, far from it, but he hated the slow process of transferring all the files over, hated that of course it never worked perfectly - and while he appreciated many of the new features an upgrade came with, he preferred to be able to navigate the most critical functions of his phone when he was half asleep, or drugged, or dying. 

And setting that up and learning it all took longer than he preferred. There was a period of a few weeks or so where he just felt naked because he couldn't yet start streaming video and audio from his phone without looking at it. 

But, it would pass, and in general, wasn't a huge price to pay. 

The old phone had to be completely destroyed, of course; and while he generally left that part to someone else directly, he usually supervised. 

He groaned and checked on the progress of the transfer. It was at 96%, and while it might nearly be done, he'd been bored for almost an hour and a half at this point. 

It wasn't long after that the ping to let him know the process had completed interrupted his mental bitching, and he snatched up the new phone to verify the process had completed. There was a list of apps that had made it over, and Shaun always looked at this part carefully, since he didn't want to miss anything. 

There wasn't anything missing, though. In fact, there was something on there that shouldn't be. 

"Voice Memo?" He never used that app, but if it was on the list, that meant it had had data associated with it, to bring over. 

There was a thought, or a memory, tickling his brain, but he couldn't trace it. He ignored the old phone for a moment, and navigated to the voice memo app from his app list on the new one. It had only one entry, but since he'd just transferred the files, the original recording date wasn't displaying. 

He knew Rebecca favored these, so maybe she left him one. He preferred not to use them, since it was too easy to forget that Templars might get ahold of the device, or even duplicate it remotely or any number of other things they might not anticipate. She said he was too paranoid. 

It _would_ be just like her to leave him a stupid voice memo. 

So he hit play, half of a fond smile on his face that froze the moment the recording started. 

Rebecca hadn't left him a voice memo at all. It was Desmond's voice that opened with "Hey, Shaun." 

Desmond continued speaking, but Shaun had already dropped his phone from suddenly nerveless fingers. Desmond's voice went on for a moment, but Shaun heard none of it. 

He snapped into motion a few stuttered heartbeats later, and snatched the phone up, fingers shaking slightly as he finally managed to stop the recording. 

Why on earth was his heart doing that? He felt out of breath, and he could feel his hands still shaking, though his grip had tightened on his phone to the point that it was uncomfortable. 

He forced himself to take a few deep breaths. He was fine, he _was_ , it was just unexpected, that's all. 

He knew he was going to listen to the recording, knew it would tear him up, but he waited until his heart stopped racing, forcing deep, even breaths. 

Then he looked at his phone, unlocked it with a hand still shaking from the shock. 

"Hey Shaun," Desmond started, and Shaun forced another deep breath. He could do this. 

"I, uh, I 'borrowed' your phone for a little bit, while you took that burner phone to Chinatown instead."

Well, that answered the question of 'when', although Shaun could already have made an educated guess about that. 

"I'm... first I want to say I'm sorry, because, I... I'm leaving messages on my phone for my dad, but I wanted to leave one that's just... for you."

Desmond voice was soft, quiet like he didn't want anyone to overhear what he was saying. There was so much in his voice that Shaun didn't even want to try to unpack yet. Not yet. 

But he knew Rebecca wasn't getting a message like this. Hadn't, hadn't gotten a message like this. And he didn't want to examine why, not yet. 

"I wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry, because I know what's going to happen. And you're gonna be mad, but there isn't anything you or my dad or anyone can do to change it. We don't have time."

Shaun's heart stilled for a moment, because that could only mean... 

"So you're gonna be mad, but that'll be later. I'm... I'm not walking out of that temple, Shaun. I've seen every way this can go, and the only way I can stop this is... I'm going to die when I touch the Eye. I've known from the moment I awoke from the coma. 

This was always how it was going to end. Shaun, there was, Clay showed me, and I could see from Juno... But it wasn't until I achieved the Synch Nexus that I actually understood."

For a second, Shaun was angry. Blindingly furious. Desmond had _known?_ The whole time they were in that temple? 

How dare he make that choice for them? Desmond was a blithering idiot, he didn't know what they knew, maybe it was... 

Shaun's anger burned out before he could finish the thought. There wasn't any way to talk to Desmond now, after all. The only answers he'd get were from this recording. 

"I wish I'd had time to really tell you, because, I think, if you believed me, you'd love it. 

I saw so many alternate timelines, so many alternate _me's._ There's one that never ran away, and you know what? He couldn't do this, couldn't stop this event. 

Everything had to happen as it did, in this timeline. 

There were even some where I wasn't born, when Ezio died with his family, or my mom died before she met my dad. I wanted to talk to you about them, I really did, I wanted to talk to you about what happens if Altaïr died on that mission to retrieve the Apple, and where Ezio never even met Leonardo."

Shaun let out a breath harshly. He'd have loved those conversations, though they'd probably have ended up arguing over them. He was reminded, viscerally, he'd never get to argue with Desmond ever again, and didn't quite manage to bite back a sob over that thought. 

He very carefully didn't examine Desmond's statement that Shaun might not have believed him. 

"I... I wanted to have a lot of conversations with you, actually. 

I guess, what I'm saying is... The reason I made this recording..." Desmond trailed off and took a breath so slow and deep it was audible in the recording. 

Shaun wanted to stop the playback for a moment, wasn't sure he could hear whatever Desmond had said next. He felt like his skin was too tight, like his heart might beat out of his chest with how hard each beat resonated in his chest, his ears. 

He'd wondered, when they were chatting over shitty reheated food in the temple, or arguing over shitty takeout in the motels, whether they'd ever acknowledge the tension between them. Shaun had been certain that his attraction had been mutual. 

But he didn't hit pause, and Desmond's voice continued, soft, hesitant. Fond. 

"I just wanted to say I'm glad I met you. I hoped to get to know you a lot better, but, that's not really possible, now. I guess it wasn't ever, really; I just didn't know it. 

Anyways, I wanted to say I think you're not so bad when you let someone really see you, and I won't be around to say it later, so I wanted to say that I hope you eventually let more people see that."

NOPE, nope, _nope._ He is not thinking about that. He isn't, he can't. Not yet. 

"And, I haven't seen my dad mention it, but I wanted to let you know that I see how hard you've worked these months, keeping watch, and offering support to other field teams, and... The databases. 

I never really thanked you for those, did I? Thank you, Shaun. I mean it. They really helped me, and I think if I hadn't had them, I might have had a harder time with Bleeds. 

Even when you were being a dick, you didn't slack on the entries or anything. I really... It helped, and I appreciate the work that went into them."

Shaun took a deep breath, shaky and too fast. They hadn't really talked about it, only here or there, glancing of the entries only as a starting point to some other conversation, usually about history, or politics. 

And he been struck then at how little Desmond knew, but how quickly he grasped the details, the effects. Desmond hadn't really had a proper education, but Shaun would never let it be said the man wasn't smart. 

"This is getting kind of long. I hope you don't think too badly of me, when this is all over. I think we're friends now, right? 

Yeah, we're friends, and I'm grateful for that. I just wanted you to know."

God _damn_ it, Desmond. But Shaun was really more angry at himself, because he'd been the reason Desmond hesitated, doubted. And they were friends, right by the end. Shaun had hoped, but.... No. It didn't matter anymore. 

"Oh, and because I know it's going to drive you insane: wondering how I accessed your phone? You should maybe tone down your "admiration" for Leonardo. 

Just kidding, it was Eagle Vision."

Shaun let out a laugh that was more like a sob than he wanted to admit. Desmond wasn't an idiot, and Shaun knew he was trying to lighten the mood, but maybe he didn't expect Shaun to take so long finding the message. He couldn't have known how much... 

Shaun shook his head. He wasn't thinking about that. Not now, maybe not ever. 

"Thanks for everything, Shaun. Take care of yourself for me, yeah?" 

The recording ended, and suddenly he could hear his own harsh breaths. He was gripping the phone so tight his knuckles were white. He felt a strange sort of paralysis, but it wasn't numbness.

It was a well of grief he couldn't let out, but he hadn't been prepared for. He couldn't hold it back, and this time they had no whiskey.

He wasn't an emotionless automaton, though there were times he thought it might be easier if he were. Like, oh, now, for instance. 

He just didn't think about all they'd lost that often. Tried to set aside time to grieve and break it whatever, but the assassins didn't exactly have on call psychiatrists. And others needed the help more than he did. 

Except, alone, trembling and tense, he thought maybe it was time to make time for it. He should at least talk about it, face and name this loss, so hopefully it wouldn't have such power over him. 

He didn't know how long he sat there - silent but for his breathing, which had started to even out - when Rebecca knocked on his door and walked in. 

He startled at that, couldn't even describe the noise he'd made. 

"Hey, Shaun," she started, "what's taking so - what happened?" she interrupted herself to risk to his side. 

Shaun swallowed. "I... Desmond?" he offered, voice weak to his own ears. 

"Desmond? What? Is that why you're crying?" 

Shaun's hand, the one not holding his phone, flew to his face, and he discovered his cheeks were wet. He thought he'd been holding it back, yet clearly... 

"Becca," he breathed, paralysed again because he didn't know what to do. There was another sob behind his teeth, and he clenched them to hold it in, but his chest compressed anyway. 

"Oh, Shaun," she said softly, and even though he hated the pity in her voice, he didn't resist when she pulled him into a hug. "It's okay to cry, you know. It's okay to miss him." 

He wanted to protest that it wasn't that (it wasn't just that, this wasn't his fault, Desmond had caught him unawares), but he felt something in him unclench, and the next thing he knew, he was sobbing ugly on Rebecca's shoulder. 

Eventually, he stopped. His body was exhausted, and his mind was a cotton-fuzzy haze, truly numb now. He felt cleaner, though, like a washcloth wrung out. 

Rebecca put him to bed, somehow; he didn't really recall the process. 

Then, too tired to do anything else, he slept.


	2. Chapter 2

Shaun woke the next day, slowly. He didn't usually wake groggy, but it took him a moment or two to remember the events of the night prior, and to groan softly. 

There was no way Rebecca was going to let this go. 

No sense in delaying it, so he got up, changed into fresh clothes, and made his way to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. 

His body felt lighter, after last night, but his heart felt heavier than it had in a while. He supposed that was the nature of loss, and he knew, he just _knew_ what Rebecca was going to say, but maybe he needed to actually hear it as much as she needed to say it. 

He'd hoped maybe she'd made herself scarce for the morning, an attempt to let him collect himself, but she was waiting in the kitchen when he walked in, face full of worry and expectation. 

"Morning, Rebecca," he said, faux cheery, just to see her frown. 

"Shaun," she said, as much a greeting as a reproach. 

He didn't answer, just went to make himself a cup of coffee. She let him, but he also knew she was letting him. He almost smiled into his first sip, but sighed afterwards instead. 

"So, did you sleep well?" he asked. "Big day, so I hope you rested up." 

"Big talk, you mean," she said, offering a sharp smile that held more threat than he thought was really warranted this morning."You know, since last night happened, and all." 

Then again... He remained silent, just took another sip of his scalding coffee. 

"Shaun," She warned, drawing his name out. 

"Rebecca," he replied, staring her down, but they both knew he was going to fold first, and he did, dropping his eyes to his cup. "Fine," he grunted instead.

She looked at him expectantly and he sighed. "I guess, a thank you is in order first," he said. "I... Thank you, I hadn't been... Prepared, I guess you'd say," he said. He was waffling and he knew she knew it, but she allowed it, nodding indulgently at him to continue. "I was, you know I was moving my files over to the new phone, and there was... There was something I hadn't recognised," he said. 

"That _you_ didn't recognise?" she asked, because she'd evidently expected him to know everything on his phone, same as Desmond, apparently. 

"Yeah, a voice memo," he said. She cocked her head, like the memory teases something familiar, but he didn't wait for her to get there on her own. "From Desmond. He... He'd 'borrowed' my phone one of the times I'd had to leave it, and he'd left a message. I'd... I'd never seen it until yesterday. "

She'd sucked in a sharp breath at the mention of Desmond's name, because they didn't talk about Desmond. They never did, in fact, mostly because Shaun wouldn't, couldn't. 

But, now he had to, and it was... It wasn't as bad as he'd thought it would be. 

He laughed softly, but let it be sad, too, because he was too tired to reign in everything, and if he were being honest, he knew both Rebecca and Desmond deserved better than that just now. 

"He'd left one just for me," he said, and Rebecca shook her head, started to stand. 

"Shaun, you don't -" she started, but he shook his head and held his hand up so she would sit back down. She didn't. 

"I know I don't have to, but... I want to. I think I need to," he added, and she laughed as he'd hoped she would. "He told me he knew he was going to die in the temple. Told me he'd seen it, seen every outcome from Juno or, or Clay, and... He didn't want us to worry about him. He just wanted to... I guess he just wanted to enjoy the last bit of time he had, with us."

Rebecca nodded, a complicated smile on her face as she approached and laid her hand on his arm. 

"I was... I was so angry at him for a moment, and then... By the end of it, he... He'd tried to make me laugh, and I just... He's gone, Becca, " Shaun murmured, looking down at his coffee intently, though her pat had turned into a gentle squeeze. "He's really gone, and I miss him. I miss him a lot. I just... I never really let myself."

"Shaun," she sighed, and took his coffee from his hands. He knew what came next, but he let her do this, because he knew he needed the hug as much as she did. "Me too," she said, into his shoulder, "me too."

He smiled back and just squeezed a little bit harder, and actually murmured his "Thank you," out loud. She deserved to hear it, once in a while. 

"Well, as fun as this exhausting emotional rollercoaster has been, I think I'm all 'sad'-ed out," he said, pulling back. 

She smiled at him and gave his shoulders one last squeeze before she went back to sit at the table. Oh, apparently she'd been doing the crossword in the newspaper left behind by the last 'tenant' in their new safe house. 

His stomach growled, and the remaining tension dissipated as they laughed. "Better get breakfast started," he said, unnecessarily, because he'd already started the motions, preheating the oven for the breakfast "biscuits" he'd come to favour. 

There was more to be said, of course, and they'd say it later. He felt better, but not nearly ready to tackle the complicated topic that was Desmond, and, he supposed, how or what he felt for the man. 

But it wouldn't be a forbidden topic any longer. That wasn't fair to anyone, least of all Desmond. 

He deserved to be talked about, remembered, by those who were his friends, who were there for his last moments. 

And especially those who'd loved him.


End file.
